Posts filed under 'Ramblings'
July 27th, 2006
So there I was, innocently obsessively checking my blog stats, when who suddenly appeared? Disney. I looked again. Disney? There it was, in all its glory. Disney was looking at my blog. I’ve made it to the big time. I am the man.
I went to the Disney site to find out where the link was coming from. Searched for Spectorbrain - nothing. Searched for blogs - found a boy band site. Oooo-kay - but still nothing.
Confounded, I went back to my stats. 10 Disney links … then 20 … then 30. A day of Disney stats turned into weeks with no end in sight. I sat by my phone, starved and sleep-deprived, waiting to the call. What call, you may ask? The call offering me a cushy job with the huge sign-on bonus, of course. Come on, Mickey, my bags are packed.
I’m sorry to say, however, that all of this dramatic embellishment was for nothing. In reality, it was just some unscrupulous num-nut sending fake referral spam to my blog and other blogs (Burbanked, Affiliate Marketing Journal, Village Blog, Blogging Poet) under the Disney name. Yes, I said num-nut.
But it did get me thinking – why would Disney be interested in me (if they really were)?
- Walt always wanted to be a web designer.
- Without any possibility of an original Disney idea, I came up with Cinderella 3.
- I’m conducting usability testing on Space Mountain.
- They know that I know what’s really in the vault.
- My photoshop skills are pure Disney magic.
- I was their back-up plan if Pixar fell through.
- Disney wants a blog for “Winnie the Pooh and Tigger 2.0”
- “Mr. Spectorbrain’s Wild CSS Ride” is opening in 2008.
- Disney is updating Mickey’s look by exposing his frontal lobe.
- Who cares? It’s Disney.
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Ramblings, Blogs
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July 3rd, 2006
Most Americans will celebrate their independence in a calm and dignified manner by getting drunk and blowing themselves up. And tomorrow, I’ll probably be one of them.
Today, however, I’m still a designer (who should be working right now) waiting for the holiday to start. So, with all of my professional designer hub bub, I give you [drum roll, please]…
The Top 10 Worst July 4th Animations!
- Ketchup - “Fireworks illegal in your state? Don’t fret and don’t forget…about Ketchup, The new Fireworks”
- Go Boom! - Boy, this one takes on a whole new meaning in today’s world, doesn’t it?
- Backyard BBQ - “Steaks are almost done! That smell? Oh, that’s my hand. Heck ya, I’ll have another brew. Rock on.”
- Wet Blanket Abe - “Don’t you think you’ve had enough? Not on my watch, mister. Put on your pants. What would your mother think?”
- Uncle Sam Speaks - Happy Independence Day from the worst pez dispenser ever. I don’t even get any candy. What a rip.
- Putting on the Ritz - You know what, I’m drawing a blank. How this relates to July 4th, I’ll never know.
- Turtle on the Run - “I love America! I love America! I love Tab Energy! I love America!”
- Sally Sparkles - “Daddy, I know you boy me this dress for the holidays, but is it supposed to do this?”
- Peek-a-boo Pete - It’s not a really party until he shows up.
- Good Times- That’s perverted and disgusting. You ought to be ashamed. Is it my turn yet?
Want more? You’re sick and I love that about you. Ok, here you go.
bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad | bad
Have a safe and happy holiday from Spectorbrain.
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Ramblings, Animation
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April 27th, 2006
It’s seven in the morning. You’ve been up late working, partying, watching movies, doing “the bump”, etc. It doesn’t really matter. You’re just exhausted. You roll out of bed, get dressed, and sort-of-run to the bus stop without a drop of caffeine in you. And as you wait in the cold for this massive, unstable vehicle to pick you up, people drive by gazing and thinking, “That poor bastard.”
Finally, the bus arrives. You sit down in your seat. All you want to do is close your eyes. Then it begins…
- “How’s it goin’?”
- “Boy, it’s going to be a rainy one today.”
- “Did you see about that bear attack in Wisconsin yesterday? A real shame, that is.”
- “You’re looking tired. Late night with the ladies? Heh? Heh?…Heh?”
Whatever expletive you mutter to yourself, the sentiment is the same. Why me?
Well, have no fear. Through many years of lab testing with rats and little toy buses, I have discovered the top ten things you can do to get the bus driver to minimize their long-winded ways.
- Pretend to be asleep. This really works well if you occasionally snore, especially the loud, nasally kind where you clear your throat often.
- Change the topic of conversation to the geo-political ramifications of immigration and border security and how it inversely affects the storyline(s) of “CSI: Miami”.
- Look out the window and randomly scream, “Oh, my god!”. Then pause for a second and say, “Nevermind. Thought I saw a [insert something extremely passive, like a bird or a leaf].”
- Put on your headphones and rock out with your new iPod SuperNano, the new MP3 player that’s so small, it doesn’t really exist.
- Drop a quarter (anything else that rolls) and “encourage” it towards the back of the bus. React surprisingly (with hand gestures) as you follow it.
NOTE: This will only work if there are other passengers on the bus. Otherwise, the driver will just talk louder.
- Point out the woman (or man) in the car next to you and say to the driver, “Damn that’s hot. I wouldn’t kick her/him out of my bed. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Know what I mean.” For an extra punch, you can always add, “Hey, you interested in a threesome?”
- Seriously reconsider that decision not to buy a second car. $3 per gallon costs a lot less than psychotherapy.
- Scope out the passenger situation. Find the most verbose of the bunch and ask their opinion of any point that was just made. Shake your head in agreement a few times and gentle bow out.
NOTE: This technique will also work in your favor if there is no one else on the bus. The driver will just think you’re a wacko.
- Open the window and proclaim, “Spectorbrain lives!”
- It really doesn’t matter what you do. They’re going to keep talking anyway.
Follow any of this well-researched advice and you’ll be kicked off the bus so fast, the talkative bus driver will be the least of your worries. And in that moment of panic, take a moment to reflect on the wise words of Bugs Bunny, “Frankly doc, crunch crunch, it could be you.”
Spectorbrain has left the building.
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DISCLAIMER: I do hold the highest respect for our community’s public transportation personnel. After all, it can’t be easy to navigate a “massive, unstable vehicle” through a maze of inconsiderate, really bad drivers hauling around a bunch of grumpy people who are unhappy about going to work or unhappy about coming home. From all us grumpy people and inconsiderate drivers, thank you.
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Ramblings
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April 26th, 2006
We’ve all had this discussion. Maybe it was over a beer or, dare I say it, a hot dog. “Why are there 6 (or 10) hot dogs in the package and only 8 buns?”
Simple answer. Butchers and bakers are afraid of change. I don’t know, maybe it was the way they grew up. “Why can’t we have 10 buns in a package? But I don’t want to be a butcher. No, not the belt! Nooooo!!!!!”
Probably not. In my brief on-line fast food travels, however, I have discovered some of the lesser-known wonders of the All-American Hot Dog.
Thanks to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council for their continued support.
And what does any of this have to do with brains? Come on people, we’re talking about hot dogs.
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Ramblings
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About Spectorbrain
Spectorbrain is a stimulating discussion of web & interactive design experiences, techniques, critiques and ramblings with a bit of humor thrown in the mix.
In his other life, Jason Spector is an experienced web and interactive designer who quotes old Tex Avery and Chuck Jones cartoons just a little too much.
Contact Spectorbrain
spector(at)
spectorbrain(dot)com
Is Disney my biggest fan or just more spam?
